Sometimes growing means letting go
This week I made a decision I’ve known for a while was probably coming, but that didn’t make it any easier.
Today a lady came to pick up my mare to try her for a week or so, with the plan that she will likely buy her. She actually trained her in the past and really enjoyed her, which makes me feel a lot better about where she may be going.
I absolutely love having a horse. For a long time, my plan was to keep her and ride more once the kids were a little bigger and life slowed down.
But I’ve had to accept that this just isn’t the season of life I’m in right now.
People always say if you really want to do something, you make time for it. And maybe sometimes that’s true. But I’ve found that even when I do make the time, by the time I get there I’m often too tired or drained to actually enjoy it.
In three years, I’ve only ridden her a handful of times.
But time isn’t actually the biggest reason I decided to let her go.
As our farm grows and we expand the beef side of things, we need more pens for cattle. And that means fewer pens available for animals that need to be kept separately or fed differently.
Horses and cattle don’t always have the same needs when it comes to hay.
Cattle can handle hay that we wouldn’t be comfortable feeding to a horse. Dusty hay can cause serious breathing problems in horses, including something called heaves.
The simplest way to explain heaves is that it is a bit like asthma in people. Dust and other particles irritate the horse’s lungs and make it harder for them to breathe. There are treatments that can help when it flares up, but there isn’t a cure. Once a horse has it, the goal is to manage it and avoid the things that make it worse.
Last year we had a water bowl break and suddenly didn’t have enough pens with water to keep the horses separate and on the hay they needed.
My mare started having some breathing trouble, and once we realized what was happening, we treated her and made changes.
I felt awful.
I knew we hadn’t intentionally put her in that situation, but I still carried a lot of guilt over it.
Going into this fall, we already know we want to expand even more. More cattle means we need those pens, and I knew there was a very real chance we would end up short on suitable space again.
I love my mare, but I also know I wouldn’t forgive myself if her breathing got worse because I was hanging onto her for the life I might have time for someday.
There’s another sentimental part to it too.
She was the last foal born on our farm back when my grandma was still raising horses. So letting her go feels a little bit like closing another chapter.
At the same time, I’m excited about what we are building.
Growing our beef side means being able to have more beef available for our customers and continuing to grow Hillview Livestock into what we have been working toward.
I’m learning that sometimes growing something means admitting there are things you can’t keep doing at the same time.
I can be excited about where our farm is going and still be sad about what I have to let go of to get there.
Both can be true.
-K
